THE GREATEST PART TWO
The greatest animal in the history of the world, no discussion necessary, is the bee.
Here's why:
The bee makes honey. I don't particularly care for honey, but a lot of other people do.
Most species of bees are truly social animals (like termites and naked mole rats). The individuals in a hive are all related (they're all sisters and brothers) and have a rigid social structure based on reproduction. The drones are the only males in the hive, and their sole purpose is to mate with the queen. If the hive is running low on food they're the first to get kicked out. Once they've done their duty, they get kicked out. Them's some badass beeatches..
Bees flaps their little bee wings 11,400 times a minute. It sounds like this: "buzzz." Bees kick ass!
They can sting you, giving up their lives in the process. Only the females sting (the males have no stingers, and don't leave the hive anyway, since they're mostly GETTIN' IT ON with the Queen). Some people mistakenly think this is "altruism," which by definition means doing something (like giving up your life) for another with no gain for yourself. But since all of the bees are siblings, they all share 1/2 of their DNA, and if giving up your life means you can save 2 other bees than you've broken even (genetically speaking). Giving up your life to save the hive is actually quite selfish, and bees rule.
The Blues Brothers liked bees.
Bees pollinate flowers.
Bees do little dances to tell other bees where food is. If a bee flies out, finds a good flower, and returns to the hive, they will do some moves and the other bees will know right where to go. Entymologists call it the "waggle dance," and it has to do with the angle of the sun. Pretty cool shit. Bees rock.
Bees can be used to make bee beards, as seen on "That's Incredible."
The average worker bee lives for only about a month. But they never seem to be depressed or question the meaning of it all.
So, if you are thinking about spending some time with insects, consider the bee. It's truly the greatest animal, ever.
7 Comments:
I like the nonstop sex part. I could deal with that.
I thought I saw Jackson do the Waggle Dance in a club one time and women ran screaming for the doors like gun fire had gone off or something.
I enjoy your greatest posts, keep it up.
Perhaps those women were simply heading off to find the flowers.
Bees to indeed rock.
I love sitting around during the summer and just watching bumble bees fly around. Sometimes they will come really close and just check you out and then go about their business, which in the hive is monkey business I guess. A friend of mine in high school had carpenter bees around his deck. After school we'd sometimes hang around and smoke weed and watch the carpenter bees come really close to use to check us out. They are cool because they are like big stretched out bumble bees. Bumble bees are cuter though.
Remember the show Romper Room in the 70s? Remember the bee's name on the show? DOOBEE! I wonder what was going on behind the scenes at THAT show.
And then there were The Bubblemen, Love and Rockets' alter egos, where they dressed up as bees.
And lastly, Eddie Izzards bit on bee keepers on the Glorious video.
-Ken
Cool fact, according to the Wikipedia: "Bee stings have also been known to help alleviate the associated symptoms of Multiple sclerosis."
-Ken
Yes!
The queen bee has her lifetime's worth of sex at the beginning of her life. So she's loaded with bee jizz (bee gees?) all her life.
Also, worker bees get to decide which of their sisters becomes the new queen.
And honey never spoils.
Not so cool:
The men who aren't lucky enough to die having sex are are kicked out of the hive to freeze to death every winter. It's all about the beetches.
Ok, I'm done. -Mike
I knew you would all see it my way.
The fact that Ken could sit and check out the bees while the bees checked him out just goes to show how wonderful nature is, at least when you're super high.
What about a half a bee, like Eric?
"Half a bee, philosophicaly, must ipso facto half not be."
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